Hanging On For What?

After having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday, I realized that I was still thinking like a kid when it came to relationships. I wanted this person to be the one, so I could have the happy ending I always wanted. I can still have it, but just not with this person.
One thing that stuck out to me in our conversation is that she said, "There was no such thing as soul mates, it's just two people getting together who feel mutually about each other". It was hard for me to comprehend but she explained it to me later.
"What is so special about this guy that you feel he is meant for you?, she asked.
I said, " He knows me and I feel I can completely be myself around him all the time".
She said, "Really? Don't I know you completely? Can't you let someone else get to know you completely?".
I said, "Yeah, I can be myself around you and I can let someone else get to know me".
She said, " We'll why are you holding on to a guy that after however many years clearly doesn't want you?".
I told my friend, " I don't know. I guess I feel there is no one out there is for me".
I realized at that moment I was deciding to not let anyone else get close to me because I had decided there was no one out there for me but him. How crazy is that? Moreover, my friend bluntly said, "You're selling yourself short. There is a world full of men who will want someone as beautiful, talented, and as smart as you. For now live your life and have fun being single and dating. Don't set yourself up for disappointment and depression. It's not worth it".
For me it was so easy to see other people's issues but it was hard to see mine. I now agree with men about women being emotional creatures, but they are too. The only difference between a man and a woman's emotions is that us women act on them. I let this very thought of being with this person control my every move forward and now that I see it, it's easy to let go.
It's so weird how discussions can make your mindset shift completely. I know this may seem foolish to men, but this is what most women go through most of their lives. We want to get married, have children, a great career, and a great husband. We just don't know how to do it all and stay happy too. Remember that saying: "Somethings gotta give"? We'll we have been brought up thinking we can't have it all when we can. I've believed that, my brother believed that, my mom and others believed that as well. The truth is we can have anything we want if we believe it. I have not had the love I wanted because I did not think I deserved it, but now I do. Your emotions control every aspect of your life and if you don't have that in control you can't be your best in any area.
This is all my opinion that I'm giving, so if you disagree about some of this stuff please let me know. I want to know your opinions as well. A lot of these thoughts got sparked after reading Flux, by Peggy Orenstein. She interviewed several successful women all over the place and asked them about sex, work, love, kids, and life in a half-changed American society.

Knock You Down

Why is that women naturally feel they have to submit to make a relationship work? A relationship is a union, not a dictatorship. So often us women lose who we are because of men wanting whoever they want when they want them. If a guy can have Sally, Sam, and Sara; I should be able to have Mark, David, and John, right? Why must women be committed and men don't have to be? This is not an equal relationship and I am not any man's property. They talk about the angry black woman who is mad for no reason. First of all, it's not just the Black woman who are mad. Secondly, she is not mad for no reason. She has trusted men and friends over and over again, only to be let down. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That was a saying my friend would say in regards to relationships. She meant learn from your mistakes the first time around. We live and we learn. If he did it once he will do it again. So if this is true, there should be no wonder why a woman would become angry. She trust someone new too many times and now she believes that all men are the same. Men get offended, but what can we do? Actually the better question is, what can men do to keep the trust of women? One suggestion I have is to stop making it okay to be a womanizer in our American society. It's pathetic but it's what men and women learn is okay. Obviously, I have been hurt myself one too many times but I'm not holding a grudge anymore. I just want to help other women move on from the terrible cycle of eventually being angry at everyone not just men. Any type of negativity is not good for anyone. No one I know wants to be around an angry person. So fellas, if you have some advice give it. I really want to hear your opinions.